Listen to the Silence

So apparently I’m a scum bag.   A “cishet” scumbag.   This is awesome.    Seriously.  Someone went on Tumblr (under the tags #cishet , #sexist and #pig) and said it, so it must be so, right?     I didn’t even know what “cishet” meant, until this point.   So hey, I learned a new word!   Actually, my internet friend (and yes, I do know who you are behind your Tumblr icon)...what I am is a person with an opinion, and the right to express it.   You say that you have the right to be what you wish, yes?   To express yourself through how you dress, how you speak, and how you feel? Well, so do I.   I am sick of people apologizing for who I am.   That was the point of the rant that angered you so much.   It’s an expression of what I view as my identity, and my feelings towards those who act ashamed of my concept of male identity, or who apologize on my behalf for my male identity.  I am sick of people declaring that I’m an oppressor, so that my opinion doesn’t have to matter an

Hello.   My name is Kenova.   I am male.   I do a physically demanding job.  I watch naked women dance while drinking beer.   I build things with my hands.  I think a women on her knees is a beautiful, natural sight.   I stare when a girl runs past in yoga pants and a crop top.  I even do it around my girls, and my in-laws and family.   I’ve been known to slow down the car to watch a jogger bounce by who forgot her sports bra.   I overflow with testosterone, and workout on a heavy bag.  I have never owned a single Playboy magazine “for the articles”.   I’m, you know, a man.   And I don’t apologize for it. The question is…why are you Benedict Arnolds apologizing for me?  Why are you fucking apologizing for yourselves?   Has your opinion of yourself really sunk so low that you think you’re doing the right thing?     Over the last few weeks I’ve read a good dozen posts and blogs, apologizing for what is essentially…manhood.    It’s part of a new trend.  It’s the n

 I just recently had a conversation that has me a bit…well…pissed.     Furious, really. So this rant?    This one here?    Gonna be a bit tart. And unlike my normal rants - it's not going to sit for weeks at a time to cool off and lose some of the piquancy.  Here’s the thing.     I am getting bloody fucking sick and tired of the phrase, “She knew the risks when she played with me.” This isn’t a “consent violation” rant.    It isn’t a “poor little female sub” rant.    There are enough of those out there, and those aren’t the story I get to tell – I’m a Hetero Male Dinosaur, not a Victimized Female Submissive.    But.   For all you big strong rough body player Dom/mes out there?   There is a difference between rough body play, and being an emotionally unhealthy, imbalanced sadistic asshole.   And I really, really, really fucking wish you would start acknowledging that, and stop buying your own fucking Hype.    Rough body play (AKA “thug play”, “heavy beati

  “A paraphilia must be distinguished from the non-pathological use of sexual fantasies, behaviors or objects as a stimulus for sexual excitement in individuals without a Paraphilia.    Fantasies, behaviors or objects are paraphilic only when they lead to a clinically significant distress or impairment (e.g., are obligatory, result in sexual dysfunction, require participation of non-consenting individuals, lead to legal complications, interfere with social relationships). “   (DSM-IV-TR, American Psychiatric Association, p.568) “For Sexual Sadism, the diagnosis is made if the person has acted on these urges with a non-consenting person, or the urges, sexual fantasies or behaviors cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.”   (DSM-IV-TR, American Psychiatric Association, p.566) So.    I am not a Sadist.    Neither Am You.    Really.    I just want to inject a little humorous reality, for a second.      Just to kind of ground things.    I’ve just finished reading a

Amish Paradise, yo.    In all seriousness – someone asked me from my blog what I think the most important thing is for a new Dominant.     Having written a “newbie Dominant” post a few months ago, I thought about just sending back an email with a link…but that seemed disrespectful.     The man took the time to ask me a genuine question – I owe him a genuine (if not as witty as usual) answer.   Should I tell him to invest in rope?    Find a good local mentor?    Only use water based lubes?    Then it hit me.   Humility.     “When we’ve been here ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun – we’ve no less days to sing his praise than when we’d first begun.”   Whether you’ve been here for thirty years, fifty years, or fifteen minutes…you have things to learn.    You have skills to master.    And you will always have someone wiser ahead of you, and someone behind you asking you for help.    As soon as you begin believing your own hype, and getting a bit of wind u