Listen to the Silence

Please. FUCKING PLEASE. If you need to find a sliding scale therapist or psychiatrist, or an open clinic, or a county health office, or a welfare diagnostician - I'll help you.   I will PERSONALLY help you - it's something I do every single weekend as part of my volunteer work. (That's on top of being a cop, on top of building toys for Creative Kink, and on top of being a full time Dad, btw.  So yes, I really commit to the work, and yes, I really will help you.) But this self diagnosis shit?  This shit has got to go.   There's a reason why so many people go through years and years and YEARS of graduate education to be able to make a diagnosis of psychological or psychiatric treatment needs.  I realize self diagnosis is the latest fad.  I realize having some 'mental illness' makes you seem trendy, and I realize all your celebrity favorites are "coming out as having...".  I get that it makes you feel better to have a label to hang on yourself

So, things to consider.   All wise-ass-ery aside.  (except for some.   Because I'm, you know, Kenova.  The asshole - but having a beard makes up for it.  Ask half the girls I've spanked.) Rule 1.   If you post it - they will come.  They being web crawlers, and post it meaning put it out there, anywhere.   On your phone.  On a private server.  In an IM to friends one on one.  On a memorial site, ten years ago.  In an article that some grandmother eventually scanned as part of scanning a newspaper into archives.  As a joke tweeted then deleted.  On a .Gov email that you both "got rid of".  On a private selfie that you keep in that hidden folder on your phone, where you hide all your gay (and selfie) porn.  On a friend's phone.  On a screen cap.  Walking past someone with a digital camera or a phone held up in the "selfie" or "I'm-a-tourist" pose. If it was taken - web crawlers will eventually find it.  A class I've been to numerous

If you don't have a green or red butt plug in your bottom by the 24th, I'm ashamed of you. I'll settle for red bruises, and a green thong, though. Still - for shame.

Don’t ever try to judge me, dude, You don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through. Don’t like it?   Don’t listen.  Same as all my writings.   I get plenty of hate mail.  I’ve long ago stopped holding my tongue at left leaning events (which most are in the lifestyle, these days.  *dramatic sigh*) So. “If you really wanted to be an ally to POC, you’d give…” “If men were actually allies for women, they would…” “If you ever want to be an ally to <insert group>, you have to…” Okay.  Here we go. You ain’t gonna like this.  I’d say trigger warning – but I only give those when I’m already halfway through the trigger squeeze.  (And it sounds like “drop the weapon!”, not “be careful of your feelings!”) Preamble.   I’m Native.   My people were here before yours.   ANY of yours.  Yet we still have the highest poverty per capita (by person, AND household) in the US.  We receive the lowest (just about none) help from any government or private group.  The weakest c

Groups in the lifestyle who are taking it upon themselves to begin "investigations" of consent violations. You may very definitely and in most cases are most definitely, going to be compromising any future actual legal investigation and prosecution. Thereby making more victims who are not getting Justice from the justice system, and are unwilling to go to the justice system because the justice system can't help them.   It becomes a vicious cycle in that case. They can't get Justice because the investigation or the prosecution are compromised due to well-meaning efforts by non-law enforcement beforehand. Please also try to remember, you are not police, prosecutors, or licensed investigators. Anything you find, any interviews you make, any accusations you make, any "blacklists" you publish, or any personal and private information you release to the community at large, can result in lawsuits against you or the group or the publisher. There's a reason why

My father died the day before Thanksgiving, in 2008.   My wife left shortly before, and our girlfriend left shortly thereafter -  It's pretty fair to say I was a mess.  Raising a little girl on my own, with two holes in my life, and my biggest support gone...I definitely wasn't Kenova anymore.   I withdrew from Fetlife.  I withdrew from my own consulting company, and sold it off (the name, the rights, the client list, the equipment, the whole deal).  Every time I felt like I hit rock bottom, I hit auto dial for my father's cell phone.  It was just a reflex - if things were bad, call your Dad.   It took a few times hitting his voicemail, then hitting the shut off notice, before it really sunk in that he wasn't there anymore.   My sister was a missionary and moved in to help with my mother.   I'm not ashamed to say she also came over on 2 hour drives to help with my daughter.   When things really dropped out, I met this mousy little grad student w

Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods? Where’s the streetwise Hercules, to fight the rising odds? Isn’t there a white knight, upon a fiery steed? When I was younger, this song was my syllabus.   It was who I wanted to be – the good man.  The hero, at whatever sacrifice or cost.  And there was sacrifice in my life.   There was cost.  I lost 7 years to a marriage trying to be the self-sacrificing hero instead of leaving the first time she hit me.  I have scars from stepping in between a knife and a victim.  I tried to be a good man.  But not anymore.  Somewhere I fell off of that path, and in the last few years I’ve been reflecting on that.  (Amazing what wonders therapy will do for you.)   Somewhere along the decades, I watched the buy-in of “toxic masculinity” by the media and society at large.  That’s where the song (still idolized and beloved by many) became impossible.   The good men are gone – they’ve been burned by a system and a narrative that

...is exactly what it's always been. By speaking to him, showing that you treat him as a man, not an enemy. And caring about him as a person, not a gender or on oppressor.  Really people, that's all that it is. Life, and love, are really just that simple.

“The gubbermint used ta po-lice to break us up!” “Police are racists, they broke up our protest!” “What kind of government needs to use force to stop speech?!” Here’s a better question. What kind of protesters are you that officers must to be used against you for the safety of your own community?  That officers have to respond with weapons drawn - in fear of their lives and the lives of others? What happened to civility?   To discussion?   To our ability to have discourse, rhetoric and informed argument without resorting to tear gas?  When did we start stealing each other’s property and lighting it on fire, or wearing masks to town hall discussions?   Why is it okay to kick people off campus by violence if you don’t like white skin color, or make privileged, threatening demands of law enforcement?  You want to point the finger at the police – but in the many protests I’ve been to (as an officer and an observer) I have yet to see things kicked off by an officer.   I

Lately there’s been a lot of flak from either side of this debate, and the reality is caught in between.    The Huffington Post’s articles as well as numerous Buzzfeed and Washington Post articles aren’t helping – they’re practically hands in your pockets over helping the poor “Minor Attracted Persons”.   YouTube the phrase “Minor Attracted Persons” or “MAPs” and see what’s going on.  Be prepared for nausea.    The DSM IV TR (the last one before SJW nonsense began adding PC phrasing and line-blurring) defined pedophilia simply.  So, three criteria for pedophilia (and hebephilia, ephebophilia, etc – don’t quibble with me, diaper snipers.)    1.)  Over a period of at least 6 months, having recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children (generally age 13 years or younger).  2). The person has acted on these urges, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersona

If you read the last - you know I'm on a Diversity committee - and this issues really drives me crazy too.    Because seriously - this is not helping the views I'm trying to argue against in my law enforcement community. This - and yes, it IS Blaire White

Recently, I’ve been put on a Diversity Committee for my agency, and it’s giving me a whole different view of things in law enforcement when it comes to our (the LGBTQIA, not the leather) community.   Yes, folks – I’m part of that community.   I’m the oft forgot B – a bisexual.  Fence sitters.  “Pretenders”.  Etcetera.   I don’t put it up on my profile because, frankly, most of you are excluding me anyway. Before anything I want to acknowledge; there’s an issue of “how much is enough, and how much is ‘recruiting for the sake of numbers’” within diversity groups in the law enforcement community.   I assume those same questions extend to other diversity groups – but I’m sticking with the one I know.   As the unofficial representative of the LGBTQIA community (I joined to be the token Native American – I just seem to have become the voice for us instead) – what I see is that even those members of our community who are in the Law Enforcement aren’t often willing to step up and sa

The minstrel boy to the store has gone, He has headed off to the Rutters. He headed off at the breaking dawn, For cucumbers and butter.

I promised on Twitter that this rant was coming.    If you didn’t listen, then pucker up butter cup.   It’s going in dry.  Blood Quantum is the concept of measuring “native-ness” by the specific amount or quanta (quantum meaning amount) of “red blood” in your…well.  In your red blood.  The whole argument gets wrapped up in the concept of what makes someone “native enough”, and being a “native descendant” versus a “native”.   A “descendant of the algonquian nation” instead of “a son of the tribe”.  I just want to pause here and point something out. We.  Are.   Literally.  Arguing.  Purity. We are using the same argument that the Aryan brotherhood uses to define membership.   The same argument used to create such hateful labels as “quadroon”.    The one modern extremist “power” groups (white, black, Hispanic, etc) use to define who counts as a person and who doesn’t. (Gee, don’t you think the ancestors are proud?) Think that through.   That’s EXACTLY the ki

NOTE:   I want to make it clear - this rant was sparked off by a video by the ever beautiful MsBlaireWhite (go subscribe to her Youtube channel, seriously).    It was then fanned into a fully fledged rant when I took a few hours to follow up on researching her statements. ---------------------- “Minor Attracted Persons”.   “MAPs”.   “MAP identified persons”.  “We’re more comfortable with the term MAP.”   “You’re mis-identifying me when you don’t call me a MAP.”   This is a real thing.   That terrifies me, as a parent and a law enforcement officer.    Do the research.   Do your homework.   If you have the knowledge or capability, take a (brief) dive into the underside of the web (the ‘darkweb’, the ‘trollnet’, ‘tor portals’, and on and on…fucking media) and look it up. The WaPo and Huff (Washington Post and Huffington Post, for the non-political-internet savvy) have both done articles highlighting papers which rely on shaky research and tiny data pools to argue that pedoph

I come from a Legacy (the L is a capital for a reason) Army family, and a Legacy Marine family.   Those of us who are unable to serve, for physical reasons or reasons of happenstance, become law enforcement. When you’re one of us, that’s it.   Black.   White.  You wear a uniform, the same as every generation before you – and know that the dead stand in your wake.  Or you wear a badge, and try to live up to those who went before.   My mother was a staff officer when she retired after 20 years.   My father was a Washington PD officer before being retired on injury, and meeting my mother when he went back to school.   That’s my family.  That’s my blood, as far back as we’ve ever been able to trace through heraldry or genealogy.  This Memorial Day my ancestors are going to rise from their graves, if for no more reason than to spit the taste of modern America from their mouths.    With “fake news” this, and “Love Trump(s) hate” that, the living have all forgotten something. W

Hey, quick joke – what’s the definition of politics?    Poly = many, Ticks = Bloodsucking creatures. Sorry.   Had to do it. Can we please keep the politics off of Fetlife?    (Unless it’s a discussion of golden showers.  Those are fine.)     That would be awesome.   Thanks. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I jump on FL to look through emails for my business.   I sign on here to see what other kinksters are doing, pushing the boundaries of sexuality.   And I get on here because sometimes the stuff you see in your feed is just too damned hot.    No, seriously.   SpanishRed’s writings get me all hot and bothered.   (Don’t act like they don’t do the same for you).  I don’t jump on here to read political rants by TERF’s.   Or by radical right wingers.   Or by leftist snowflakes.   I’m not getting into where I lie on the spectrum.   Because frankly, that’s not what Fetlife is for.   I have a blog for that .  The few times I’ve cross-posted, it was a reaction

In the past few years of keeping a blog, and flickering certain posts on and off due to waves of doxing, and of flames and hate emails from angry snowflakes – I’ve learned a few things. I have learned that the truest believers, the devoutly faithful, of the snowflake church of Tolerance and Civil Liberties will often fall back on the same old world tactics of burning heretics at the stake. I have learned that the mildest, meekest, most “open minded” of us all has a vile stomach full of bile for those who won’t bow to their beliefs. I have learned that the mainstream media “truths” about this country are a blanket, under which lays people who still believe in common sense and decency.   In freedom, and in fairness. I have learned that there are those who simply will not be reasoned with.   They want to be in a constant state of victim-hood.   They simply will not live otherwise – and it’s a waste of energy to try. I have learned that the loudest voices will rarely