Listen to the Silence

UPDATE:   This was written almost a year ago this month, originally.   As of 12/20/2013, my girl, Cassandra Marie, has earned her collar.   A big part of that was reading this, and taking to heart…and surrendering her heart.    So congratulations, to my girl.  You belong to me, until the end.    --------------------------- I don’t know that I’ll publish this.   I may just clean it up, edit it, and leave it printed on the bed one day when I go into work.    But it’s something you need to read – and I wonder if it’s something other slaves need to read as well. So.   You’ve asked it.  You’ve asked over and over.   And over.   And over again.  ·          “Sir, when can I have my collar?” ·          “Can we pick out collars today, Sir?   *nudge-nudge*?”  ·          “Daddy, wheee-eeen are you going to collar me?” ·          “Sir… <name> was just collared…why haven’t I been? ” ·          “After the Wedding, then can I be collared?” ·         

During this holiday season, we’re all generally swamped with bills, shopping for presents, donations to charities, office parties, Polly-Annas, Secret Santas, decorating the house, minding the kids during holiday break…and the list goes on. I’ve personally blown through two full paychecks, for family presents, Secret Santas, Polly-Annas, house decorations, and gas to and from stores and stupid office parties.   I’d just like to take a second to ask that you remember the kink community during this holiday.   Not in a “lets have a Christmas play party!” way, or a “let’s do a seasonal canned food drive wearing leather!” kind of way.    Try to remember our community in the spirit of the holiday – giving and loving. There are a LOT of canned food drives already going on (and feel free to help them, they’re always in need).      There are also a lot of charities, and I particularly suggest supporting the Marine Corp’s “Toys for Tots”, in your vanilla life.   For us the holiday should b

Just realized I never put up these - a little list of books I send links to for newbies who ask me, or give to new people if I have them in stock and available) when I meet them. More to come, as I get them translated from straight links into doc'd HTML, and clean code. Good Books for Beginners - The Topping Book The Bottoming Book The Ultimate Guide to Kink BDSM Primer - Fetishes, Rituals and Protocols Good Bondage Books for Beginners - Two Knotty Boys Show you the Ropes Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage Power Exchange Books - Bondage  Shibari You Can Use  Good FemDom Books for Beginners - The Mistress Manual of Female Dominance The Sexually Dominant Woman Beginner's Guide The Art of Sensual Female Dominance At Her Feet - Guide to Empowering Your FemDom Relationship

Just a couple of quick ideas for christmas gifts - about two weeks late.  ^_^   Great Bondage Books http://www.amazon.com/Shibari-You-Can-Use-Japanese/dp/061514490X/ref=pd_sim_b_42 http://www.amazon.com/Two-Knotty-Boys-Showing-Ropes/dp/B0088UIFMY/ref=pd_sim_b_33 http://www.amazon.com/The-Seductive-Art-Japanese-Bondage/dp/1890159387/ref=pd_sim_b_39 http://www.amazon.com/Ropes-Bondage-Power-Exchange-Resource/dp/1935509020/ref=pd_sim_b_49 Great General BDSM Relationship Books http://www.amazon.com/Living-Masters-slaves-Their-Relationships/dp/1610981952/ref=pd_sim_b_6 http://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Slavehood-Miss-Abernathy-Omnibus/dp/1890159719/ref=pd_sim_b_41 http://www.amazon.com/Abernathys-Concise-Slave-Training-Manual/dp/0963976397/ref=pd_sim_b_64 http://www.amazon.com/The-Control-Book-Peter-Masters/dp/1442173866/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_4 http://www.amazon.com/The-Masters-Manual-Handbook-Dominance/dp/1881943038/ref=pd_sim_b_3 http://www.amazon.com/Master-slave-R

Yep, I’m back.   And no “cool down” time on this one.   (You know it’s gonna be tart when I’m playing Marilyn Manson and KMFDM while I’m writing.) “My submission is a gift!”   Can we please stop this shit?   Please?    I mean come the fuck on…”my submission is a gift to be cherished”, “my Dominance is a gift to your womanliness”, “my sexuality is my offering to you”… Fucking stop it.   Seriously.   You sound like a fucking twat, and a prissy one at that.   Or, if you want the modern version…. “You sound like a cunt.”   And yes, I mean that to the men, too.   Dominance and submission are nouns.   They are states of being.   They can be used to indicate roles in a relationship.   They can identify markers, attitudes, philosophies and personalities.   They are ultimately expressions of psyche, or sexuality.   They are not – repeat NOT – fucking gifts. A gift?   That’s something you give someone, without expectation of return.  “Gift (noun): a thing given

So I finally have new product photos up on the site.   Dear Gods that took forever...but I also convinced the model to let me do some cute photos of her, so "bonus". Two new rants coming next week, once I've let them cool down a bit...this has been a very irritating week in kink. KFetish Model Mayhem - New Pictures New Product Photos at CreativeKinkProducts.Com 

   I miss photography.   I really, really, really do.   One of these days I've got to get back into doing good old fashioned color and black and white fetish photography - maybe even pick up a studio and start doing it for a full time hobby. In the meantime - enjoy the whip marks.  This one was taken a few years ago, when I was still married to a Pro Domme - this was one of her victims.    ^_^

Begin any paddling session with a bare hand (or softer toy) warm up.   Unless you are playing with (or are yourself) a heavy masochist, the bottom will appreciate the warm up, and you’ll enjoy the time getting intimate and familiar with their anatomy.  Safe Word, Safe Word, Safe Word.    When you’ve played with someone for years, you can play without some kind of safe word they can use to tell you to stop.   It’s your job to judge their feedback to know how fast or slow to go – but they should always have a way of saying “enough”.   And “no”, “stop”, or “ouch” are NOT safewords.  Wide paddles mean a lot of force spread out over a larger area.   They tend to be louder, and heavier.  That generally means you can swing harder as the play goes on, without doing as much damage – but it also means you can impact with a lot more force.   It also means diffusing the force of each swing into a larger muscle mass – so less of a sharp pain and more of a rough one.    Thinner paddles deliv

But I actually have a Pinterest. God help me, I made a Pinterest. And seriously...I feel like the oldest guy on there.   I have no clue what I'm doing, and I've already been on there a few months.   Don't even get me started on twitter....the whole idea of informing the world of what I'm doing constantly doesn't sound like a good thing - it sounds like voluntarily surrendering what's left of my right to privacy. http://www.pinterest.com/kenovasir/boards/

So after way too long, I finally have a webstore for the stuff I make.   Instead of randomly giving them as gifts, getting requests to make them for sale for pro's and semi-pro's, and building furniture for stress relief...I'm finally getting a site up to get things out there. Go me!   Well, me and my partners. K CreativeKinkProducts.Com

Guys.   Seriously.  This one is from the heart.   (Or as close to one as I have.)   It’s going to hurt at first, but I’m asking you with a genuine plea – stick around until the end.     I’m good with words…but I’m not good at apologies.   I’m a male dominant.   It’s what I am, from my vanilla personality on through my career, and down into my sex life, my marriage, the women in my home, and out throughout the rest of my life.   I don’t play it at a play party, and I don’t dress up for the sex – I just am who I am. I didn’t start that way.   I started out as a confused teen boy looking for a boyfriend, all the way back in 1996.   I knew none of the terminology, had no clue what the hell I was looking for – I just wanted an older, prettier boyfriend.  And since I was younger - of course he'd be the Top, right?  Wasn't how that was supposed to work? The guy I found was what we now call a “dumbinate”.   He was a cute volleyball player who had just graduated my high sch

This?   This is going to be another of those “uncomfortable” rants.    Just warning. That said. I have this little problem with a few things that I’ve been reading and hearing lately.   And I’m hoping that you, reading this, do as well.   Or at least, that you will once you’ve had a bit of time to digest this.  I’m tired of hearing protesting over “equal rights”, “civil rights”, and “oppressed minorities”.   Yes, I realize there are oppressed minorities out there.   By definition, oppression is almost always against a minority.   But that word?   Minority?   “You keep using that word.   I do not think it means what you think it means.” A minority is a group which is smaller than the opposing group – known as the “majority”.   It does not mean “black” vs. “white”, or “trans” vs. “hetero”, or even “gay” vs. “straight”.   So when you refer to minorities, please – be specific.   Because I’m through listening to rants about the evil oppression of minorities, from someone w

Someone cut and pasted my original "10 Things a Dominant Needs from a Submissive" rant into their profile, claiming it as their own.   The guy was even nice enough to tell me in answer to a question in the comments section that his mentor gave it to him 20+ years ago.  When some of the people on his writing left comments to the effect that the writing couldn't be 20+ years old, because it mentioned M/s Conference in 2008, he deleted them (and my questions as well.) This, is officially, hilarious.   It is AWESOME that someone wants 15 minutes of fame on such a niche venue as K & P, and used my writing to do it.    Imitation being a sincere (if irritating) form of flattery...that is freaking wickedly cool. My ego is standing up and doing seal-barks and claps right now.   For reals.   *Arh, arh, arh!* Jokes aside - the same writing went up on K & P and had over 800+ loves, and around 200+ comments when it was finally taken down for the whole "intellectual

So apparently I’m a scum bag.   A “cishet” scumbag.   This is awesome.    Seriously.  Someone went on Tumblr (under the tags #cishet , #sexist and #pig) and said it, so it must be so, right?     I didn’t even know what “cishet” meant, until this point.   So hey, I learned a new word!   Actually, my internet friend (and yes, I do know who you are behind your Tumblr icon)...what I am is a person with an opinion, and the right to express it.   You say that you have the right to be what you wish, yes?   To express yourself through how you dress, how you speak, and how you feel? Well, so do I.   I am sick of people apologizing for who I am.   That was the point of the rant that angered you so much.   It’s an expression of what I view as my identity, and my feelings towards those who act ashamed of my concept of male identity, or who apologize on my behalf for my male identity.  I am sick of people declaring that I’m an oppressor, so that my opinion doesn’t have to matter an

Hello.   My name is Kenova.   I am male.   I do a physically demanding job.  I watch naked women dance while drinking beer.   I build things with my hands.  I think a women on her knees is a beautiful, natural sight.   I stare when a girl runs past in yoga pants and a crop top.  I even do it around my girls, and my in-laws and family.   I’ve been known to slow down the car to watch a jogger bounce by who forgot her sports bra.   I overflow with testosterone, and workout on a heavy bag.  I have never owned a single Playboy magazine “for the articles”.   I’m, you know, a man.   And I don’t apologize for it. The question is…why are you Benedict Arnolds apologizing for me?  Why are you fucking apologizing for yourselves?   Has your opinion of yourself really sunk so low that you think you’re doing the right thing?     Over the last few weeks I’ve read a good dozen posts and blogs, apologizing for what is essentially…manhood.    It’s part of a new trend.  It’s the n

 I just recently had a conversation that has me a bit…well…pissed.     Furious, really. So this rant?    This one here?    Gonna be a bit tart. And unlike my normal rants - it's not going to sit for weeks at a time to cool off and lose some of the piquancy.  Here’s the thing.     I am getting bloody fucking sick and tired of the phrase, “She knew the risks when she played with me.” This isn’t a “consent violation” rant.    It isn’t a “poor little female sub” rant.    There are enough of those out there, and those aren’t the story I get to tell – I’m a Hetero Male Dinosaur, not a Victimized Female Submissive.    But.   For all you big strong rough body player Dom/mes out there?   There is a difference between rough body play, and being an emotionally unhealthy, imbalanced sadistic asshole.   And I really, really, really fucking wish you would start acknowledging that, and stop buying your own fucking Hype.    Rough body play (AKA “thug play”, “heavy beati