Domestic Violence – Or Your Reaction to It, Anyway
A few days ago I posted a few things on my twitter, and on my blog, and again on Facebook and Fetlife. What did I post about? Domestic Violence. DV’s always a crowd pleaser (of sorts), right? It generates dozens of reads, lots of caring, maybe even helping with donations to local charities…right?
Only one little issue. Teensy, tinsy, wheensy little issue.
I posted about male victims of Domestic Violence. About the men who get put into the hospital at every increasing rates. I posted about the men who are more ashamed of admitting their crushed psyches (and sometimes bones) than they are of the scars themselves. Men who have managed to accept their abuse as “just what happens to guys”.
One recent study highlighted by the Mayo Clinic shows that a man is abused every 37.8 seconds. In 2000, the National Violence Against Women survey determined that over 830,000 men reported being battered. in a 2010 survey. DOJ estimates are that a man will report battery less than once in every 17 assaults. A 2011 study by CDC calculated that 5 percent of men had been raped or battered in the US in the previous 12 months, compared to 5.9 percent of women.
Men literally “shut up and take it”, even with hospitalizing injuries. Over 830,000 “reported” cases in 2010, and the numbers have just been going up. But check out NCADV, PCADV, DOJ’s OVW…you’ll find horrifying (if out of date) statistics about violence against women, but just about nothing about men. The government’s primary research group for domestic violence statistics, the DOJ’s well-funded OVW…is the Office on Violence against Women.
Getting my point yet? Understanding my rant? No? Not yet?
Post a single statistic or “feelz” about domestic violence involving women and you’ll have people doing “loves” all over the damned thing. You’re a hero!
Post about men who are trying to survive abuse and come back from abusive histories – and it’s the chirping of the crickets for you, my friend. Want current statistics for how men are faring? Too bad…they don’t exist; no one is seriously studying it. Meanwhile millions of dollars per year go towards supporting systems for reporting domestic violence…against women.
I’ve spoken with male victims who went to the ER with knife slashes on their hands and glass shards in their face, and got nothing but the head-shaking humor of “those clumsy guys”. And I’ve known women who went to the ER with a bruise and a headache, and had the husband pulled out of the room by security so a social worker could interview her alone for her own safety.
Hey – let’s take a second to focus on what the mainstream media says, right? We have a campus rape epidemic! We have a “fake news” epidemic! We have transsexuals in the bathrooms! A first lady who modeled nude! Scandals! Horrors! Comforting tales of outrageous infotainment!
So what if 1 in 4 men are beaten during their lives by a partner? It’s an uncomfortable topic. Avoid, avoid! Who cares if 1 in 7 men are hurt so badly that they need a hospital? (They’re just men, right? They should “toughen up”. They should accept it. All men are dogs. They probably deserved it anyway. It’s just “part of being a guy”. Right?)
I know one “mental health counselor” who once said “as long as he has still has his car, at least he has a home” about a man who was routinely being locked out by an angry wife. How sweet.
Go do a search on google for Domestic Violence shelters in your state. Then do one for Men’s Domestic Violence shelters. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Done? Find any shelters for men and their children? If so, sing hallelujah – it’s guaranteed to be a privately funded, scarcely funded shelter with incredibly limited space. But it’s still more than nearly every other state.
But hey…who cares, right? It’s what men deserve – they shouldn’t get with a “wild and crazy” girl if they can’t take it, right? How many posts have you seen of “girlz be crazy”, where the boyfriend has a black eye or a bloody lip?
Bet you laughed at it.
(Don’t bother answering. It’s a sucker’s bet.)
How about the “cute” Buzzfeed-ish article about Rhonda Rousey’s ex-boyfriend? How about the ones on other women “showing the real strength of women” by beating the shit out of their boyfriends or partners? Still think it’s funny?
Because I think it’s domestic violence. I think throwing a guy out for the night because he made a bad joke is emotional abuse. I think a smack on the head for looking at another girl is physical abuse. I think “getting even” by breaking his stuff when he gets home late is horrible. I think throwing his things out in the snow when you’re angry is damaging. I think saying that it “doesn’t count” when a woman hits a man is enabling abusive behavior. And I think the gendered and “hilarious” image of an angry wife throwing things at her husband speaks volumes about how little our society cares.
And I bet at some point you laughed at that kind of thing on TV or from your friends, and thought it was funny.
You say it’s funny. I say it isn’t. At least one of us is right.
Domestic violence and Domestic abuse – they’re not funny. They’re horrifying.
I’m not saying there aren’t female victims. I’m saying you’re very carefully not seeing the male ones.
Only one little issue. Teensy, tinsy, wheensy little issue.
I posted about male victims of Domestic Violence. About the men who get put into the hospital at every increasing rates. I posted about the men who are more ashamed of admitting their crushed psyches (and sometimes bones) than they are of the scars themselves. Men who have managed to accept their abuse as “just what happens to guys”.
One recent study highlighted by the Mayo Clinic shows that a man is abused every 37.8 seconds. In 2000, the National Violence Against Women survey determined that over 830,000 men reported being battered. in a 2010 survey. DOJ estimates are that a man will report battery less than once in every 17 assaults. A 2011 study by CDC calculated that 5 percent of men had been raped or battered in the US in the previous 12 months, compared to 5.9 percent of women.
Men literally “shut up and take it”, even with hospitalizing injuries. Over 830,000 “reported” cases in 2010, and the numbers have just been going up. But check out NCADV, PCADV, DOJ’s OVW…you’ll find horrifying (if out of date) statistics about violence against women, but just about nothing about men. The government’s primary research group for domestic violence statistics, the DOJ’s well-funded OVW…is the Office on Violence against Women.
Getting my point yet? Understanding my rant? No? Not yet?
Post a single statistic or “feelz” about domestic violence involving women and you’ll have people doing “loves” all over the damned thing. You’re a hero!
Post about men who are trying to survive abuse and come back from abusive histories – and it’s the chirping of the crickets for you, my friend. Want current statistics for how men are faring? Too bad…they don’t exist; no one is seriously studying it. Meanwhile millions of dollars per year go towards supporting systems for reporting domestic violence…against women.
I’ve spoken with male victims who went to the ER with knife slashes on their hands and glass shards in their face, and got nothing but the head-shaking humor of “those clumsy guys”. And I’ve known women who went to the ER with a bruise and a headache, and had the husband pulled out of the room by security so a social worker could interview her alone for her own safety.
Hey – let’s take a second to focus on what the mainstream media says, right? We have a campus rape epidemic! We have a “fake news” epidemic! We have transsexuals in the bathrooms! A first lady who modeled nude! Scandals! Horrors! Comforting tales of outrageous infotainment!
So what if 1 in 4 men are beaten during their lives by a partner? It’s an uncomfortable topic. Avoid, avoid! Who cares if 1 in 7 men are hurt so badly that they need a hospital? (They’re just men, right? They should “toughen up”. They should accept it. All men are dogs. They probably deserved it anyway. It’s just “part of being a guy”. Right?)
I know one “mental health counselor” who once said “as long as he has still has his car, at least he has a home” about a man who was routinely being locked out by an angry wife. How sweet.
Go do a search on google for Domestic Violence shelters in your state. Then do one for Men’s Domestic Violence shelters. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Done? Find any shelters for men and their children? If so, sing hallelujah – it’s guaranteed to be a privately funded, scarcely funded shelter with incredibly limited space. But it’s still more than nearly every other state.
But hey…who cares, right? It’s what men deserve – they shouldn’t get with a “wild and crazy” girl if they can’t take it, right? How many posts have you seen of “girlz be crazy”, where the boyfriend has a black eye or a bloody lip?
Bet you laughed at it.
(Don’t bother answering. It’s a sucker’s bet.)
How about the “cute” Buzzfeed-ish article about Rhonda Rousey’s ex-boyfriend? How about the ones on other women “showing the real strength of women” by beating the shit out of their boyfriends or partners? Still think it’s funny?
Because I think it’s domestic violence. I think throwing a guy out for the night because he made a bad joke is emotional abuse. I think a smack on the head for looking at another girl is physical abuse. I think “getting even” by breaking his stuff when he gets home late is horrible. I think throwing his things out in the snow when you’re angry is damaging. I think saying that it “doesn’t count” when a woman hits a man is enabling abusive behavior. And I think the gendered and “hilarious” image of an angry wife throwing things at her husband speaks volumes about how little our society cares.
And I bet at some point you laughed at that kind of thing on TV or from your friends, and thought it was funny.
You say it’s funny. I say it isn’t. At least one of us is right.
Domestic violence and Domestic abuse – they’re not funny. They’re horrifying.
I’m not saying there aren’t female victims. I’m saying you’re very carefully not seeing the male ones.
Comments
And now I'm so agitated I have a knot between my shoulders. You owe me a massage, mister.
Post a Comment
Thank you for your comment! It will be moderated and, if not SPAM, will be posted within the next 12 hours (sooner if possible - sorry, I do work a vanilla job). Yes, that includes disagreeing ones - I welcome disagreements as much as anything.