Consent Violations (Rant Three - last one today. Promise. Maybe.)

Three part rant, remember?  

Last Part.    For today.   Probably.  

On Fetlife right now, everyone wants to talk about consent violations .   That’s important.   We do need to talk about consent violations both by Tops, and by bottoms.   We need to come to a consensus about how to handle them.  As a community.  

It’s not enough to just talk about it, though.   K & P doesn’t help anyway – not really. 

Now the Kierkegaardien crowd mentality is getting involved.  They want to out people.  They want to presume guilt, contrary to our own laws.  If a moderate voice appears, they want to scream “victim blaming”.   They want to shout down the voices of anyone with a lick’a sense.  

It doesn’t actually help anyone – but hey, it makes the crowd feel better, right?  

If something happens and you don’t feel you can go to the police – please, go to a Victim Advocate.   Every state has one now, an office of them, and some larger cities have their own.   As a law enforcement officer, I’ve worked with them.   A LOT.   They have so many ways of protecting you and your privacy that you’ll never know about as a civilian.  

The personal information records of a victim sensitive case are some of the few exceptions from many subpoenas and open records requests.   Victim Advocacy groups have inside access to non-government agencies and non-profits that will help you.    Either they will go with you to a station house (or invite an officer down to their building) to make a report and statement – or they will help you find a counselor to work through it to where you can start the process of pressing charges.

Naming “abusers” without trial or arrest doesn’t do anything but ruin lives.   It doesn’t protect anyone – because if guilty, the person is still out there.   A new name in a new community and they’re doing it again.   If they’re innocent, you are robbing them of their right to a fair trial, and their right to innocence presumed over guilt.   You are violating their rights as much as they (may) have violated someone else’s.    The process makes everyone on the accusing side feel better, makes bans happen, and makes all this “great” stuff occur to make the community feel safe.

But it isn’t.   The predator (if an actual predator) is still out there.   They’re still going after others.   Now they’re going after people who aren’t yet part of the community – and now may never be.   So you saved yourself and made a big noise that will last a month or two.   It was at the expense of future members of the community – because the predator is still out there.   An arrest and a Detective’s investigation will last a lot longer, and do a lot more.   A sex offender classification will protect the community at large, and our community, from them for years.  

A LOT of law enforcement officers are now aware of the lifestyle, and rarely do they care when taking a report.   They care about the crime.  

If you can, stand up and get the police involved.   Let the justice system do what it actually does fairly well.   If you can’t, at least get a victim advocate involved, so that they can help you start healing.

The crowd isn’t suffering.   You are.   Don’t let them cling to your wounds like a leech to make themselves feel superior.   Don’t let them fight the fight for you, when there’s resources available to help you heal, and put predators behind bars.