Mental Illness Is Not a Lifestyle

I’ve read a lot of blow back generated against the Don’t Stick Your Dick in Crazy (Or Let it Stick Its Dick In You) concept.    So far, the overwhelming majority of it comes from those who have either suffered mental illness themselves, or partnered with those who have.    There is a wide spread array of responses, most boiling down to “DSYDIC is an unfair attack against people who are different,” or “How dare you not stick your dick in crazy, they have rights too!”  

The ones that blow my mind?   The people who identify proudly as having mental illness.   The ones who refuse treatment, or say “I don’t need treatment, this is just who I am”.   For some, especially Axis II personality disorders, “this is who I am” is true to an extent.   That doesn’t mean there shouldn’t still be some ongoing treatment.   Sorry, but there’s a reason it’s called “mental illness”, and “personality disorder”.  

Let me be clear.   I am not against people who suffer mental illness.   I’m not out demonizing the “poor sufferers”.   I don’t think mental illness is a “shame” that should be hidden in a closet.   I don’t think everyone with an actual diagnosis should be locked away.   I am not advocating that anyone be stripped of rights or freedoms.   I am not a “toss them all in camps” hard liner (although I’m pretty far from the “hug them and make it all better” end of it too.)   

I AM saying that someone with a mental illness should be in treatment.   I AM saying that if you have been diagnosed with a personality disorder, you need to commit to ongoing work.   

I AM saying that people with mental illness should make their partners aware of it.   Because it takes a lot of energy to be partnered with someone with any kind of long term illness – and your partners deserve to make that choice for themselves.  

I AM saying that if you are willingly ignoring therapy, disregarding competent professional advice, skipping prescribed medications, or “championing mental illness rights” by refusing to accept psychiatric evaluation…then I don’t particularly want to hang out with you.   I have enough drama in my life. 

Mental Illness is growing in numbers, every year.   Whether it’s finally being reported openly due to hard work by the mental health community, or if new research is giving light to old ignored conditions, or whether our modern society is causing new issues in daily life – the fact is, the proliferation of mental illness is growing.   And it needs to be treated, in accordance to professional advice. 

So.   Mental Illness?   It’s. ..you know…an Illness.   A mental one.   Ie, Mental + Illness = Mental Illness.    It is an issue, either psychological, neurological, chemical or biological, which causes a pattern of behaviors which are outside of the functional norm.   Functional, as defined by a set of standards set by a council of mental health professionals and laid out in a core text (The Diagnostic Statistic Manual)…the rule of thumb being “does it cause harm to others, self, or society - or cause an inability to function”.   

Mental illness is NOT a life choice.   It is NOT a lifestyle.  It is not a “This Is Who I Am Inside” cause.   It is NOT a “respect my rights” issue.   Mental Illness is NOT a “you can’t discriminate against me because…” sentence.   Mental Illness does NOT excuse someone from the consequences of their actions.   Nowhere in the constitution does it say that law must abstain in regards to a mental illness, or that mental illness gives the right to special privileges.   Nowhere in any case law that I know of does it list a law against socially selecting around someone with a mental illness.  

I have friends who have mental illnesses.   I pressure them, in ways appropriate for the level of friendship, to seek mental health counseling and treatment.   If someone I considered a friend was running a fever, I’d suggest they go to (and offer to drive them to) the hospital.   If someone I care about it displaying erratic “wild and crazy fun” behaviors?   I’m not a mental health professional (nor do I play one on TV).    I’m going to suggest that they (and offer to drive them to) visit a psychologist or psychiatrist.   

If someone tells me they want to get dirty, and they start off with “you say bipolar like that’s a bad thing!”…?    Nope, I’m not going to go there.   Not for all the rough butt sex in China.   (If there is rough butt sex in China.)   

I wouldn’t play with someone who has an untreated heart condition either.   You know why?   Because untreated conditions, of ANY kind, are accidents waiting to happen.    

I should know.   I found out about MY heart condition during a military recruitment physical.   It ended my dreams of a career in the family business.   I went without treatment for a few years, and missed out on a lot of friends and high quality potential partners because those great people didn’t want the drama of a partner who might have a heart attack, or the emotional drain that comes with having a partner who has health problems.   I respect their right to make those choices.   I now have a solid and (sweetly) insistent partner, and have sought (and had) treatment for my cardiac condition.  

That said.  

Someone made a post comparing Mental Illness to Cancer.    And I have a small issue with that.  

Here’s the thing. 

My father?   Died of cancer a few years ago.   He sought treatment, again and again, until the end.   He kept going to the professionals to find answers, or at least treatments.    I know for a fact that he never wore a T-shirt proudly saying “I have cancer!”, and he never refused treatment because “there’s nothing wrong with a little cancer!”  

He never went on a website and proudly proclaimed “I have Lymphatic Cancer, and you should respect that!” as part of his identity statement.    If, or when (my odds ain’t that great) I am diagnosed with the same type of cancer – I hope I have the strength it took for him to keep at it every day.   

So, yeah.   Cancer?   Comparing that to Mental Illness?   Not so kosher.   Not so accurate.   Kind of like saying “I was soaked with a water gun once, which is just like being killed by a Glock!”  

Nobody ever died directly of Mental Illness.   Don’t get me wrong – some people with mental illness do die before their time.   They don’t die of the illness.    They die from secondary causes, which often have their genesis in unsuccessful treatment. 

So.   I’m going to catch heat for this.   I’m going to catch a LOT of heat for this.  

But.

“Don’t stick your dick in crazy (or let it stick its dick in you)”?   It’s a personal preference.   A view point.   It is NOT discrimination.   Not even close.  You can get as angry as you like – you’re just reinforcing the views of the ones you’re angry at.  

I don’t intentionally invite drama into my life.   I don’t hang out with folks with criminal records who go wearing “fuck the police” t-shirts.   That’s one speeding ticket away from a Bad Time.   I don’t chill with guys who go to AA, then want to meet up at the bar.   That’s asking for trouble.   And diagnosed mental illness sufferers who intentionally shun treatment?   That’s a gourmet recipe for drama, and the oven’s on high.  

You want to be partnered with someone who has a mental illness?   Rock on.   Go for it.   Be a good, solid, upstanding partner and gently nudge them towards treatment.   Help them stay in treatment.   If you care about a person’s health, care about their mental health too.   Mental Illness cannot be cured (in most cases), but it can be treated.  

You are someone with a mental illness?   Okay.   Cool.   Seek treatment.   Please.   If you had a beer gut, you would (probably) go to the gym.   If you had a cold, you would (hopefully) take Dayquil.   And if you have a mental illness, you should stay in touch with a mental health professional.  

It’s not hard to grasp this, folks.

It’s called common sense.

I have the right to be with who I chose to be with.   So do you.   So do the people you disagree with.  

Or ignore me.   See if I care.   Mehh.