Listen to the Silence

 I just recently had a conversation that has me a bit…well…pissed.     Furious, really. So this rant?    This one here?    Gonna be a bit tart. And unlike my normal rants - it's not going to sit for weeks at a time to cool off and lose some of the piquancy.  Here’s the thing.     I am getting bloody fucking sick and tired of the phrase, “She knew the risks when she played with me.” This isn’t a “consent violation” rant.    It isn’t a “poor little female sub” rant.    There are enough of those out there, and those aren’t the story I get to tell – I’m a Hetero Male Dinosaur, not a Victimized Female Submissive.    But.   For all you big strong rough body player Dom/mes out there?   There is a difference between rough body play, and being an emotionally unhealthy, imbalanced sadistic asshole.   And I really, really, really fucking wish you would start acknowledging that, and stop buying your own fucking Hype.    Rough body play (AKA “thug play”, “heavy beati

  “A paraphilia must be distinguished from the non-pathological use of sexual fantasies, behaviors or objects as a stimulus for sexual excitement in individuals without a Paraphilia.    Fantasies, behaviors or objects are paraphilic only when they lead to a clinically significant distress or impairment (e.g., are obligatory, result in sexual dysfunction, require participation of non-consenting individuals, lead to legal complications, interfere with social relationships). “   (DSM-IV-TR, American Psychiatric Association, p.568) “For Sexual Sadism, the diagnosis is made if the person has acted on these urges with a non-consenting person, or the urges, sexual fantasies or behaviors cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.”   (DSM-IV-TR, American Psychiatric Association, p.566) So.    I am not a Sadist.    Neither Am You.    Really.    I just want to inject a little humorous reality, for a second.      Just to kind of ground things.    I’ve just finished reading a

Amish Paradise, yo.    In all seriousness – someone asked me from my blog what I think the most important thing is for a new Dominant.     Having written a “newbie Dominant” post a few months ago, I thought about just sending back an email with a link…but that seemed disrespectful.     The man took the time to ask me a genuine question – I owe him a genuine (if not as witty as usual) answer.   Should I tell him to invest in rope?    Find a good local mentor?    Only use water based lubes?    Then it hit me.   Humility.     “When we’ve been here ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun – we’ve no less days to sing his praise than when we’d first begun.”   Whether you’ve been here for thirty years, fifty years, or fifteen minutes…you have things to learn.    You have skills to master.    And you will always have someone wiser ahead of you, and someone behind you asking you for help.    As soon as you begin believing your own hype, and getting a bit of wind u