For My Girl – About “Your” Collaring

UPDATE:   This was written almost a year ago this month, originally.   As of 12/20/2013, my girl, Cassandra Marie, has earned her collar.   A big part of that was reading this, and taking to heart…and surrendering her heart.    So congratulations, to my girl.  You belong to me, until the end.   

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I don’t know that I’ll publish this.   I may just clean it up, edit it, and leave it printed on the bed one day when I go into work.    But it’s something you need to read – and I wonder if it’s something other slaves need to read as well.

So.  

You’ve asked it.  You’ve asked over and over.   And over.   And over again. 

·         “Sir, when can I have my collar?”

·         “Can we pick out collars today, Sir?   *nudge-nudge*?” 

·         “Daddy, wheee-eeen are you going to collar me?”

·         “Sir… <name> was just collared…why haven’t I been? ”

·         “After the Wedding, then can I be collared?”

·         “It’s been four years…am I doing something wrong?  Why haven’t you collared me?” 

….*sigh*

I want you to understand.   I want you to know, through and through, that I love you.   Because this rant?   This one coming right now?    It’s gonna hurt. 

I do love you.   I want you.   I adore you.   Really.  

But dear girl….enough already.   A Collar you have to ask for isn’t one you should want.   And you’ve been under me for long enough to damned well know that by now.   Unless you weren’t listening for the last four years?    Hmmm?  

“It’s been four years…am I doing something wrong?  Why haven’t you collared me?” 

I don’t believe in collaring someone because you’ve been with them for “x” amount of time.   Neither should you, and you make me a little irritated when you ask – because I KNOW I’ve taught you better than that.   A collar given for being together for years?   That’s not a claim of ownership, that’s a cheap cop out of buying an anniversary gift – a $20 strip of leather around your neck instead of a nice ring or bracelet that probably runs ten times that.    If you’re that cheap of a date, you deserve the cheap present…and a collar that’s bought is only worth what you paid for it.   It should be earned – not cheap.

“After the Wedding, then can I be collared?”

This is like asking “after the funeral, can I have purple socks?”    A wedding has nothing to do with a collar.   I asked you to marry me because I want to share my life with you, and make you the mother of my children.    We are getting married in the Church, under God’s eyes, because we both believe that we should be one life, and one soul.   That is about the seriousness of the relationship between us, and it’s sanctity.   When I collar you, it will be because I own you.    Collaring is about the structure of our relationship – not the seriousness of it.   See the argument above about cheap collar versus expensive ring.   And then say it with me – “Marriage Does Not Equal Collar.”   

“Sir… <name> was just collared…why haven’t I been? ”

Because <name>’s collar is a Velcro collar that won’t last six months, or because <name>’s owner doesn’t have the same definitions of a collar that I expect YOU to, or because <name> is a different person than you, or because…etcetera.   If you’re so impressed with <name>’s bloody collar, go kneel at her Master’s bloody feet.    If you want to Earn your collar from Me, then kneel at My feet, and expect to have to Earn the damned thing through hard work, surrender, and patience.   And silence, on the subject of collaring. 

“Daddy, wheee-eeen are you going to collar me?”

When you stop whining, little brat.   Whining gets you spankings, canings, rough ass fuckings, and happy-after-care-tears.   (Maybe a few belts across the face if you’ve been good for Daddy.)    Whining has never Earned a collar in the history of this lifestyle.   At least, not a collar worth wearing.  And for the record…when I collar you, if I collar you, it will be as your Owner, not your Daddy.   (But you’ll still be expected to wear the pig tails and the knee socks). 

“Can we pick out collars today, Sir?   *nudge-nudge*?” 

No, “we” can’t pick out collars.   And you need to stop asking whether or not you get to “pick” your collar, or have “input” into how your collar looks, or choose what “color” it will be.   It’s a collar.   It’s a symbol that you are Owned.   That your body, soul, heart and mind have been won by and surrendered to another, and in so doing you have become a slave.   It might be leather, it might be gold, it might be a locking piece of jewelry, or it might be a fucking tattoo on your forehead.   If you get to choose what “style” it is…it isn’t exactly a pure symbol of surrender to my ownership, now is it?   

“Sir, when can I have my collar?”

And now we get to the point of this rant.   *Le tired, patient sigh*.   When can you have your collar?   When can you introduce yourself as “slave Cassandra, in Service to Kenova”?   When can you show off to your fellow submissives that you’re a “collared slave”?

When you have earned it, and when you are ready for it.    When you have absorbed the lessons I have to teach, and identified with them, while holding the values I expect you to hold dear.   When you get to understanding that a collar means exactly what I say it means…and nothing else.

A Master once told me that a black belt was only to hold your pants up – it was a symbol that had no meaning outside of showing where you are on the path, to you and your guide.   A collar is a symbol too – and like the black belt, it is a symbol of your place on a path that shouldn’t have meaning outside of your heart and your Master’s.   If you are still in the phase of wanting to show it off to your subbie friends…then you aren’t ready for it.  

I love you.   But love has nothing to do with earning a Collar.    I wouldn’t tell our daughter that she’s mastering reading just because I love her…she has to earn that.  I wouldn’t tell my sister that she’s good shot, just because I love her.   She has to earn that too.  

And you have to earn a Collar.   

Earning a collar is a lot like hiking a steep mountain.   Every mountain is different, and we all take different paths.   It takes patience.   It takes a guide.  It takes strengthening, and it takes endurance.    And if you keep stopping to look back down, or pausing to look up, you’re probably going to back slide a little.   

It isn’t about learning Service, or learning that little tongue thing that I like so much, or even about learning set protocols.   Those things are there for us to enjoy, and to give you structure while you learn and grow.   They aren’t the top of the mountain – they’re just the signs on the path.  

And you are on the right path.   You’re doing well.   But every time you start to doubt, every time you start to wonder and start fishing for that validation of “can I have it yet?”…you slide yourself further back down the mountain.  

Be patient.   Have faith.   Be in the moment, and trust that I know where you are, I have plans for where you are going, and I am proud of where you’ve come from.  

Accept that I love you, and that my love for you has nothing to do with whether or not you wear my collar.   You wear my engagement ring on your finger, and you wear the name “Mommy” with my daughter – that should be proof enough of my feelings.    

If you want guidance, and feel that you are lost, ask me for it.  I have never turned you away when you needed to shelter in me, or needed my voice when you were lost.

I’ll even give you a last little hint of where you are going, so that you can at least say that you’ve seen the map.

A slave should be transparent.

                A slave keeps no secrets from her Master.  

A slave should be unashamed of her submission.

                A slave is proud of her surrender, as her Master is proud of her. 

A slave should seek her Master in her weakest moments.

                A slave’s Master is her strength in her fear and in her weakness.

A slave should be patient with herself, and trust in her Master. 

                A slave is human – she has doubt.   She also has a Master to answer it.