I am Not a Sadist … And Neither Am You

 “A paraphilia must be distinguished from the non-pathological use of sexual fantasies, behaviors or objects as a stimulus for sexual excitement in individuals without a Paraphilia.   Fantasies, behaviors or objects are paraphilic only when they lead to a clinically significant distress or impairment (e.g., are obligatory, result in sexual dysfunction, require participation of non-consenting individuals, lead to legal complications, interfere with social relationships). “  (DSM-IV-TR, American Psychiatric Association, p.568)

“For Sexual Sadism, the diagnosis is made if the person has acted on these urges with a non-consenting person, or the urges, sexual fantasies or behaviors cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.”  (DSM-IV-TR, American Psychiatric Association, p.566)

So.   I am not a Sadist.   Neither Am You.   Really.   I just want to inject a little humorous reality, for a second.    Just to kind of ground things.  

I’ve just finished reading a handful of web articles on sadists.   Articles written by “proud psychos” and “massive HARDC@RE SADists”.    Articles that remind me of the dozens of conversations, and hundreds of t-shirts that have always made me wince and roll my eyes a little.   And wow…I would rather die a thousand deaths...than read the same old chestnuts again.   

I’m going to share what goes through my mind, every time I hear these constantly repeated ego-boosting rants.    Because I honestly think some of our fellow lifestyles are starting to believe their hype.   I honestly think some of the younger types (and the older, which really worries me) are starting to believe that they’re a different class of people because they’re so Sadistic, or so Extreme in their Masochism.   

And because we could all use a laugh, and some down-to-earth humor over ourselves, sometimes. 

I get a giggle every time I read the latest post by a Dommly-Master-Dom, on the new and improved reasons why he’s the Sadists’ Sadist.    I laugh out loud every time I see a “Proud Sadist” t-shirt.   

Look, I understand.   It’s the counter-culture thing to do, identifying yourself with the extreme example of what you’re misrepresented as, in order to empower yourself.   I get it.   I do.  

I did so many classes on minority studies and women and gender studies, that the inherit structure of disenfranchised empowerment is something I can pick out with my eyes closed.   I am a fricking minority – technically speaking, one of the lowest populated ones in America.   My cousins do the whole “re-empowerment” thing constantly, playing “noble savage red man” at the bars to pick up girls.   I get it.  

But still.   You have to laugh at this.   Laugh, or believe the hype and be disturbed.   Either way, up to you, no? 

So, please, read on.  

You Are a Real Sadist If:

(Must Score At Least 2 Out of 5)

1.   You have Non-consensually kidnapped, violated, brutalized and scarred a human being (regardless of physical attraction). 

2.   You have Physically maimed or hurt someone without any trace of the “I might get caught” feeling that most people are inherently born with.

3.   You have had such vivid waking images and dreams of non-consensually savaging a human body that they cause you conscious “marked distress”, and fears that you will act upon them.

4.   You have or are actively causing such physical distress and permanent damage to another human being or animal that you are in legal or societal difficulties.

5.   You suffer “marked” sexual dysfunction, preventing you from physically performing or achieving a physical state of arousal without the act of violently disfiguring another living being. 

6.   You are obligated and compelled to perform non-consensual violent acts upon someone’s person or pets every time you get a little dingly in the Dickies.  

So.   Any takers?   Any hands up?   (If your hand is up, please, take yourself to the nearest police station and ask for their kinky handcuff over night special.   They’ll put you in a small room with a bunch of “naughty boys and girls”, and there will be plenty of handcuffs and shackles involved.   Maybe even some night sticks.   Or if in New York City, toilet plunger handles.)  

Another fun list of generi-cized things overheard at munches and parties: 

1.  “I am a Proud Powerful Sadist, Hear Me Roar. “

You’re not a Sadist, technically, unless you’re admitting to numbers 1-6?   So…are you proud of your sexual impairment, or your emotional distress?   Does your impotence when in the presence of healthy loving sex cause your proud roars?   (Because REAL sadists would be proud of their sexual impairments.   *nods*   Go Viagra.  Object rape gives a whole new definition to “sticking it to her”.) 

2.  “We Sadists are Evil”

Yes, Virginia, real sadists ARE real evil.   Pretend sadists are pretend evil.   (So are pretend orgasms.)   Do you see how that works, dear?  

3.  “Here’s My Masterly Evil Pain Technique That Makes Me Teh Sadist God!”

….ow.    Ow!    You really are a sadist!   That list of your special-glowie-Domly techniques caused me actual, physical pain!   I’m bleeding out of my rectum just reading it!   I think my colon just perforated!  

4.  “I’m Gonna Rape You Until You Beg Me For It/I’m Gonna Do You Until You Beg To Give Consent.”

Yeah…in real rape, this doesn’t happen.   Unless you count begging for it to stop.   Having done some rape counseling…this kind of thing (while hot in consensual play in my own life) is disgusting when printed on your t-shirt.    See the bit above about pretend sadists?   Yep.   Nothing wrong with kinky rough stuff – just don’t start thinking you’re super-bad-tough-person.   You can be hot and rough without cosplaying Albert Fish. (And why would you want to?  That’s a horrible name…Fish.)

5.  “I whipped that bitch ‘til she bled.” 

Okay.   Cool.   Consenting, then that’s between you, her, God, and her family doctor.   Again, doesn’t make you a sadist.   Makes you a kinky bastard.   Just like using the Whole Chicken.  Yes, the pics of her are mildly hot.   That doesn’t make you a superman – if anything, the credit for it goes to her for having a hot body and an impressive ability to turn pain into a Sahara drowning crop of biological moisture.

6.  “I’m a Master Sadist because I have the Soul of a Monster.”

Genghis Khan was a sadist.   Dennis Rader was a sadist.   Richard Ramirez, John Wayne Gacy, Carl Panzram, Ted Bundy, those were actual sadists.   When your body count reaches theirs, we (and the FBI) will talk.   Until then…why would you want to idolize their kind?  

This has been my (somewhat) humorous rant on Sadists.

If you dislike it, feel free to flame me.   Those just lead to new rants anyway.   ^_^

But in all seriousness…can we please stop the hype?   

Look, I like to beat some ass just like anyone else.   What I do in the privacy of my bedroom with my girl (and other consenting partners as the mood takes us) can only be described as martial and occasionally injurious.    But I don’t go around identifying myself as “Teh H4RDC@R3 SADIST GODs!”  

Be who you are.   Be happy with it.   Improve it every day.   Build a consensual relationship with a loving, adoring partner (or partners), and be satisfied with that.   

Publically Worn and Displayed Delusions of Sadistic Godhood?  

They’re probably part of why people still think we’re freaks.

Just saying,

Kenova