HUMILITY – I’m A Million Times as Humble as Thou Art

Amish Paradise, yo.  

In all seriousness – someone asked me from my blog what I think the most important thing is for a new Dominant.    Having written a “newbie Dominant” post a few months ago, I thought about just sending back an email with a link…but that seemed disrespectful.    The man took the time to ask me a genuine question – I owe him a genuine (if not as witty as usual) answer.  Should I tell him to invest in rope?   Find a good local mentor?   Only use water based lubes?  

Then it hit me. 

Humility.   

“When we’ve been here ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun – we’ve no less days to sing his praise than when we’d first begun.” 

Whether you’ve been here for thirty years, fifty years, or fifteen minutes…you have things to learn.   You have skills to master.   And you will always have someone wiser ahead of you, and someone behind you asking you for help.   As soon as you begin believing your own hype, and getting a bit of wind up your skirts about your “place” in the scene…you’ll lose sight of where you need to be going.  

Take the time now, while you have time that hasn’t been gobbled up by play parties and conventions, to practice humility.   Do a little every day, until it becomes an ingrained habit.    Like anything, it will take practice to build into a real skill.   

At the end of the day, the journey of dominance-as-lifestyle is the same as any life journey – it’s a journey towards improved skill, ever widening social circles, emotional maturity, and self-control.   You have to work hard to learn skills, and to keep yourself under control while you do it.   Hopefully, with time, comes emotional maturity and friends.  

So you want my advice?    Want to know what skill to cultivate first?   

Be Humble.  

I want to get kumbaya for a minute.   So feel free to roll your eyes and fast forward – it won’t last long.

For me, being a Dominant is about being a strong, educated, trained and patient kind of man.   The kind of man my girl, Cassie, deserves to follow.   The rope skills, the psychology, the physical technique and theatrics – all of that is second place to being the man my girl submits to.    Because at the end of the day, she’s staying with me out of love for me, not awe at my whipping skills. 

Here’s the kumbaya part.  

My grandfather may be the best example I’ve ever had of what a strong man should be.   If he isn’t, it’s only because my Father’s lessons (which originally came from grandpa, to be fair) have recently come to mean so much more after his passing.  

Grandfather served his country for his entire adult life.   He wore a uniform, and earned multiple advanced degrees.  He took part in the design, testing and creation of an entire generation of technology that we now take for granted in the information age.   An enormous piece of his adult life is still classified – so I can honestly say that I still don’t know just how much he did with his life.   I wanted to wear a uniform and be an inventor, because if my grandfather did it, then that was what Men should do.  

And yet.

Every Sunday, my grandfather put on his best clothes and he went to church.   He helped straighten up the chapel before service and helped his elders up the stairs and into the seats.   He stayed after to thank Father for his sermon, and to wait for anyone who might need help back down the stairs.   He once told me that it was better to be a doorman in a house of God than a King in the house of men.  

His son, my father, was an executive for one of the larger IT companies on the east coast.   His most cherished time of the week?   Working at community events as a volunteer, or getting dirty at the homeless shelter repairing broken equipment.    We spent one spring break cleaning an abandoned warehouse that the county was deeding to the Red Cross.  

My heroes were men for whom the most important part of the week was the one with the least recognition, and zero glamour. 

It says a lot about me that it took me thirty two years to understand their reasons.    I’m not proud of that.  

I could take that in a religious direction for you.   I’m a Roman Catholic, trust me, we can take those kinds of lessons to all kinds of crazy places.   But you aren’t reading this blog for that kind of message.

Where I take it is this – real men, strong men, value what they can give more than what they receive for it.   They value the impact they have on others more than the impact they can have on themselves.  They value the opportunity to be humble, and feel human.   And they make the effort, every week, to do something humble and simple, to remember who they really are.  

In our lifestyle, there’s a lot of titles.   There’s a lot of opportunity to play in grand fantasies, bathe in Caligula-esque sexual indulgences, and to be worshiped by nubile young co-eds.   I’ve been there.   Done it.  Thoroughly stained the t-shirt.  It’s the easiest thing in the world to get a moderate bit of skill in a flashy technique, and build it into a personal legend and weekly offerings of blowjobs.  

My advice to new Dominants?   

Don’t buy your own hype.   There are plenty of others who will buy it for you.   Spend some time every day, or at least every week, doing something humbling.   There will always be those who are ready to proclaim your title as “amazing”.    Don’t let their adoring energies go to your head.  

Be Humble.  

Or don’t.    Your choice.