Listen to the Silence

I’ve seen a few of these online, on Facebook and Fetlife.    So I decided to write my own, and see what rattles the tree.     I actually receive indignant emails about "And So I'm the Bad Guy...” from people who followed from Google or FL.     Because, you know, anonymous people online cursing at me is going to be uber-successful in converting me “back into the fold”.    That said.    Please DeFriend me:   1.   If you demand that I respect your kinks, your politics, your sexual preference, gender identity, lifestyle choices, religious beliefs and right to expression…but you refuse to respect mine.      I’m a pro law enforcement, politically conservative, gun owning Roman Catholic.     You don’t have to like it.    You don’t have to agree with it, believe it, or support it.    But if you expect me to respect your choices (and I will), kindly have the coura...

And So I'm the Bad Guy:   Outting Myself On being Kinky and Conservative      So.     There are a few things you should know before you read this. First.    I don’t apologize for who I am.    Though I will include nods to intelligently stated opposing points of view, and will (whenever possible) include fair and (as much as possible) unbiased versions of views opposite mine…I don’t apologize for being what I am, who I am, or for living by the choices I’ve made. Does the above sound familiar?    It should.    It’s the battle cry of nearly every person who is “out” in this lifestyle.    It adorns profiles, echoes at pride events, and sells thousands of CafePress t-shirts.     What’s the old saying (that the generation after mine has co-opted and commercialized the hell out of…)?    Out, Loud, and Proud? Okay.    So.   Here’s the part...

First.    Ladies, Gentlemen, Gentlequeers, NonGentlePrimals…thank you for reading.    When I started with the first rant, I honestly expected a wall of flames and to be thrown off of FL with tar and feathers trailing behind.    Today’s rant is brought to you by the folks who have emailed me asking me how vetting works, and how they can start vetting play partners and other groups.    When I first wrote about Vetting, I assumed that it was common sense.    I ranted blindly (or without my contacts on, anyway) about how everyone should be Vetting their partners, parties, and penis-pin-cushions.     It flew over my (surprisingly tall) head that I once had to be taught about it too.    So we’re going over this in detail, using assumed common genders (her for “you”, and Him for “the hawt guy I wantz to haz play wit”).       This is not to say males shouldn’t Vet females!    ...

Today’s rant was brought to you by the people who have emailed, asking me the “What Advice Do You Have for a…” questions…and the sheer number of people I’ve met in the scene who really should have asked these questions of someone, at some point. This post is written with the assumption that it is aimed at them – the non-abusive, non-experienced, honestly-earnest Future Dominants of America (tm). There are certain things which ever Dominant needs to know, before they begin playing hands on with a vulnerable, fresh faced, tight-assed little (or BBW, if you prefer) play partner. They’re an important part of that sacred journey of dominance, responsibility, etcetera, etcetera, and ass beating. (Never underestimate the importance of ass beating). They will someday lead you to blahblah responsibility blahblah maturity blahblah ass-beating. Just read them already, okay? 1. First Aid and CPR. At an event, at the very least, the DM and host should know basic first ...

Cassie received a message today about a party she's throwing at the house. Apparently, requiring people to step up and give the names of people who can vouch for them? That's "elitist". That's "wrong". No, my friend. That’s “Vetting”. Philadelphia's murder rate rose 23% this year. It's still rising - and we're doing better than many cities, given the economic crisis' impact on law enforcement hiring. The rape percentages are up, violent crime is increasing after years of decrease, and stories of corruption among law enforcement, government, and private sector are all daily news. The days when you could assume your fellow American is decent, lawful and trustworthy are long over. Within the scene, in the last year we've had major community leaders lose their minds and flip out publicly. We've had brave souls come forward and open up multi-victim scandals that had been completely ign...

The best way I’ve heard submission described was at M/s conference in 08. Submission is not following your Master. It is preceding him, clearing the path, and reporting back to him on any pitfalls or problems you see ahead. It is trusting him, to guide and navigate, to keep you safe. The most common way I’ve heard Dominance described uses words that I wouldn’t use to describe a dog. Especially today – there are a LOT of anti-Dominant posts, and a lot of “Submissives Deserve XYZ” posts. But one thing I’ve almost never heard…what do Dominants deserve? Where is our "10" list? 1. Know your Responsibilities. Dominants have responsibilities. We hear a LOT about that in our community. We have the responsibility to be forgiving and understanding. We have the responsibility to be strong and independent. We have the responsibility to be wise and patient, and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and our partners. We have to...